Saturday, May 2, 2009

Careful With That Axe, Eugene

Carla, the cat, was having a bad tail day and to top that, no one had noticed how well her new green nail polish went with her eyes. Being an Animal-Resource Executive in Nandan-Associates hasn’t been an enviable job over the years, especially with a Manager as obnoxious as Eugene, the fox, and an aging whimsical owner, Shamsher Singh, the lion. Reflections on her miserable life were interrupted by the phone ring. It was Eugene.

“Sweetheart, could you please bring the list of Employees to my room? It’s time for you to make those three-meow calls.” There was wickedness in Eugene’s voice.

Three-meow-call is a practice followed in Nandan-Associates at Shamsher Singh’s behest. Anyone about to be fired gets the call from Carla in which she asks the employee to visit the boss and then she meows thrice before ending the call. Why so? Well, Shamsher’s step-mother was a cat and she used to meow thrice each time before thrashing him when he was a naughty boy. So, this was his way to revenge the world.

“Here’s the list, Sir”. Carla enters Eugene’s room without knocking.

Eugene stops picking his nose and smiles, “Carlaaa, please have a …Oh you’re already sitting. You see Carla, all of my friends are busy laying-off their juniors. I don’t get to tell any stories over the game of golf. Besides, this is recession and we must be doing something terribly wrong if we don’t feel the need to cut down.”

“Eugene, is it really necessary?”, Carla says casually tapping on the table with her nails.

“I must axe somebody before this weekend; do you have any idea how it feels to be left out? Daniel, from Champak-Sons, fired four rats and a hen last week. What about that dog Moti we hired last month for managing the Asia-pacific account? I can’t stand his smiling face.”

“He is doing a splendid job. Shamsher looks very pleased with him”

“I noticed that too and that’s another reason I want him out of this place. You know how tough Shamsher is while interviewing. But his interview with Shamsher lasted just 10 minutes and he came out without a scratch on his body. I guess maybe because they both are Indians. But you can find something on him. Does he surf net during office time ? Any personal calls from the office phone?”

“Nope. He is clean as a dove. Always on time and is friendly”

“I see. Carla you need to do me a favor, dear. You know what I mean...” Eugene says in an overly suggestive tone.

“Eugene, I get it. You don’t have to be so animated. But remember last time you asked me to seduce Jack. He is now ..” Carla was interrupted here.

“Don’t remind me of that parasite again. He belongs to that disgraceful jackal race.”

“He is now my husband; how many times I have to remind you.” snarled Carla.

“And that is why he is still in this office. I’ll handle this myself. Call Moti right now.” He pushes the phone to her. She dials the number.

“Moti, Eugene would like to see you. Meow, Meow, Meow” Carla feels like an idiot yet again.

Moti enters the room in a very cheerful mood. He knows nothing about the three-meow theory. He is holding a red colored card in his hand.

Effervescently smiling he says, “Hi Eugene, What a coincidence. I was about to come to your room anyway. I am getting married next month. This is my wedding card. And Carla, that nail-polish goes really well with your eyes”.

Carla is speechless. She looks towards Eugene with accusing eyes and rushes out of the room. Moti senses the unease in the air.

“Many Congratulations! Moti.” Eugene is stumped too. This wasn’t going to be as much fun as he had imagined. He doesn’t even glance at the card and puts it close to the phone.

“Eugene, I know you would come. I am having the time of my life”

“I am afrai ,Moti. I won’t be able to make it. Listen, I need to discuss something very important with you. I hope you understand that this is nothing personal. The whole economy is doing pretty badly and we need to downsize. We are cutting down the Asia-pacific accounts and you are an unfortunate victim of this global phenomenon. Today is your last day at Nandan.”

“Hang on Eugene. You must be kidding. Asia-pacific accounts are doing much better than Europe and America. You are joking right, because you saw the wedding card so you are just being funny, right.” Moti is smiling once again. There is an air of invincibility about him.

“Moti, Your marriage is your personal problem. I don’t indulge in bullshit. You may leave now with your belongings” Eugene is visibly irritated.

“I am pretty sure Shamsher Sir doesn’t know about this decision” a confident reply from Moti. He is finding it hard to stop smiling.

“Are you his pet? Shamsher is an old imbecile. Don’t challenge my decision. I never liked dogs anyway in this firm. If I had my way I would have put ‘Dogs not allowed’ outside the gate. Get lost now, will you.”

Moti bursts out laughing. He leaves the office and is laughing his ass off over a phone-call. Eugene can’t stand this any more. He dials the security and then slams the phone back. He sees that stupid wedding card and is about to throw it in the dustbin when something familiar on the card catches his eyes.

Moti (Son of Colonel Sheru Daga )
Mohini (Daughter of Mr. Shamsher Singh)

The date was the first of next month and the venue was Nandan-Associates’s huge sprawling garden.

Eugene is out of his senses when Ganpat the hippo, knocks on his door.
“You called security, Sir” says the guard who hailed from Shamsher Singh’s village.

Eugene’s face is colorless by now.
“Get me an Orange juice, please” says Eugene meekly.

The hippo stands confused and just then the phone rings on Eugene’s desk. Eugene does not move. The phone rings once again. Ganpat walks over to the desk this time and hands the receiver to Eugene. “Your phone, Sir”

“Hello Eugene.” It’s Carla at the other end. She savors a pause. Eugene stays mum.
“Shamsher would like to see you in his office, Eugene. Meow, Meow, Meow.”


Scattered Thoughts... said...

Cool post BP.. nice imagination huh!! and what exactly inspired you to write this one.. I hope you dont resemble with any of the characters here !!

Indyeah said...

:)) I thought you were on a break! :)
Liked this post though and what an imagination you have :D
all animals covered and I kept searching for resemblance to any person living or dead yada yada..thought for a moment that this could be you or your colleagues :D

but seriously great post..really imaginative and the twist at the end was good :)

BrownPhantom said...

@ST & Indyeah,
Glad that you liked it. And no, I don't resemble any of those animals :).

Indyeah, well it was a pseudo break which allows me to be back on a non-comittal basis :). Couldn't wath the blog getting rusty, had a 3 day weekend; so spared a few hours for the blog:).

muthu said...

hahaha.... nice twisted ending..... :)

writing with animals was good but you should do the same with people man... it would rock....

Kunjal said...

Wow!!!I loved it:)
At times the plot of the story reminded me the stories of "Champak" the kids magazine:)
good story with such a nice ending:)

Vinnie said...

He who digs a hole for others falls in it himself!

i loved the meow meow meow concept with the animals around...though am not sure if the 'real' animals would take that be compared to humans is quite beneath them :)

enjoy ur break..thansk for this refreshing read!

Destination Infinity said...

Nice story indeed! I liked two jokes - one at the end and the other in the middle where he says marriage is your problem! Ha Ha :-)

Destination Infinity

Tanvi said...

Very interesting post dude..Thanks for adding me to ur network..

Hope to read few more innovative posts from u.

lafemmereva said...

fertile imagination is the fruit of a twisted mind :) This is what comes to my mind after reading your blog!!! :)

BrownPhantom said...

@Vinnie,DI, Kunjal & Tanvi,
You all are very kind. Thanks :).

Kunjal, Yes Champak was there on my mind :)
Vinnie, They shudn't mind much , for a change:).

That should be taken as a compliment I guess :).

Anand Chandramouli said...

Very nice story BP :) Having humans for characters would have spoilt the fun for me!

Me said...

meow meow next time i flair up like an active volcano..i shall meow instead, to notify the impending danger :P
Awesome story on the illusion of invincibility!!!
Grooooarww!!! [in appreciation]

DPhatsez said...

'Wha goes around comes around' eh?

Meow! nice one! \m/

Blogrolling you. Keep 'em coming.

BrownPhantom said...

Thanks. Story wud have been different with humans in it :).
Really glad that u liked it :).
Thanks man.Rolled you too.Liked ur blog.

Imp's Mom said...

hahaha! interesting read... totally enjoyed it, loved the end :-)

Bullshee said...

The Pink Floyd reference got me here, and I find a very interesting story about inter species love affairs...

Carla sounds like a saucy mynx...oh wait..she's a cat...and Eugene sounds like every manager that exists...

Winnie the poohi said...


Amazing story! meow meow meow :D :D

AJai said...

Awesome bro, just awesome. loved the ending.

This way and that said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deepu Vasudevan said...

Well written: just the right number of words and perfect dramatization. Will be back for more!

BrownPhantom said...

@IM, Thanks for the kind words.

@BS, Carla was a minx once, until she fell for Jack :).

@Winnie & Ajai, Really glad that u liked it :). Thanks.

@Deepu, Thanks for the appreciation. Be my gest by all means :).

Shruthi said...

Ouch! heheh great read.. three meow calls, Jack the husband and "Son of Colonel Sheru Daga " were hilarious. Keep writing :D

Preeti Shenoy said...

Nice! me like..but the characters did leave me in a many animals ;-)

Gauri Mathur said...

Nice imagination man!!

BrownPhantom said...

Its always nice to see u here :). Thanks.

It's an honour to have a real author's comment :). In hindsight, I cud've disposed off Ganpat. But downtroddend need representation :).

Many thanks lady:).

Kanchan said...

ha ha meow meow meow :) very cute and funny story with a brilliant end !! gr8 to see u back frm pseudo break.

Little Girl Lost said...

BP- this was great! i LOVE animal stories, especially if they are all as complicted as humans...

i wrote an animal story recently. pls read it n tell me what u think...

BrownPhantom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sanjay said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Wow. this is the best post I have read in ages. I was gaping in the beginning and but had a stupid grin plastered on my face till the end!

Am following your blog after this brilliant story. No pun intended!

Phoenixritu said...

Amazing! How remiss of me for forgetting to drop by for such a long time

iceprincess said...

this really is a very smart way to narrate.....
nice way to vent frustrations without being scared to get sued...
hey..first time over...
nice one...

BrownPhantom said...

@Choco, The possibility of pun is an interesting observation :).Thanks for ur kind words.

@PhoneixRitu, Not that big a remiss :). Glad that u liked it.

@Iceprincess, Yes, it's a safe way :). Weird it may sound, but I've seldom been frustated with my workplaces :). But yes, it sure looks like a cautionary approach :).

Mad Blogger said...

Cool one.. really good

BrownPhantom said...

Thanks ummmm ..well let's use the abbreviation here :) .Thanks MB:).

Little Girl Lost said...

three complaints:-
1. how come no new posts since that brilliant story?
2. how come you haven't read my last few posts :(
3. how come you are n't following me?

Gauri Mathur said...

Great post!
Keep Empowering!

BrownPhantom said...

There's a new post now. Have been very busy these days. Lemme cach up on your blog.
Following you now :).

numerounity said...

That is a brilliant composition!!!

Way to go...

numerounity said...

I appreciate your remarks on my blog...This time i tried to do something let me know how is it...

Gauri Mathur said...

I commented twice!!!
and I didn even know about it?:O!
Abhi dekhaa..

bondgal_rulz said...

AWESOME imagination....LOVED the way the animals have been portrayed as almost human-like. :)

I'm so glad that you stopped by my blog, else 'd have missed out on this!!!

Blogrolling you for sure !!


Shanu said...

First time here...abslty loved your post...u have an awesome imagination :):):)

Loved the end!!

Cinderella. said...

YOu have a very unique way with words...the way you juxtapose simple vocab to paint a picture extra-ordinaire.

Nice !!

tarjeta r4 para nintendo ds said...

ice imagination huh!! and what exactly inspired you to write this one..?Nice story indeed! I