Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Bribe

Just when I am supposed to study Econometrics and Statistical Inference, the urge to blog overwhelms me. Escapism is a widely prevalent vice. During exam-time in Kharagpur, we wing-mates had a tendency to elaborately plan a trip for the vacations to follow. Everyone knew that there won't be any trip, but no-one acknowledged it as long as the planning kept our minds off the exams. To make the planning more credible, we would get down to the minutest logistical details like where would we stay and of course covered the basic necessities like how much whisky and cigarettes to pack. One such fictitious trip to the nearby Digha beach was postponed because one guy pointed out that there would be a high tide; so we instead planned for Darjeeling.

However, we did manage to have an extremely successful trip to Gangtok after the final year exams. In a similar spirit, I did go for a jog one particular morning in the eighth semester; unfortunately no one saw that and now I myself doubt whether that was a dream, an illusion created in subconscious as a response to unfulfilled yearnings.

Another forgettable thing about those days was my contribution to the final year project. It's rare to have two or more people working on the same project, but since the project assigned to me was a sponsored one and relatively difficult (Speech Controlled Toy Car), my project guide assigned it to two of us. The toy-car was really cool: red with jazzy stickers and big enough for a four year old to sit and drive it.

We were supposed to develop a speech-recognition software that could decode the basic verbal instructions and then interface the hardware to control the navigation of car. That is all I can tell about the project. Most of it was done by my partner. The partner was also kind enough to give me some slides to show in the final review and told the review committee that I contributed in a few modules. My only contribution was cleaning the rat-poo inside the car after we returned from a month long winter break. Kabhi kabhi kapda bhi maar deta tha car pe. I sacrificed one of my old T-shirt for the purpose. Though I did feel sorry for letting down my professor and sent him "Happy Teacher's Day" mail after passing out.

My stay in KGP isn't all about failures and disappointments though. I was a regarded as a master in manipulating data extremely fast such that it doesn't look manipulated. Friends used to drop by in case they failed to get their experiments done on time. One more high point was that I and my Bridge-partner Piyush managed a Bronze medal in the year we learnt how to play the game. What must be considered here is that Kharagpur is a Bong's den and I really can’t tell you how well versed Bengalis are in doing things that involve sitting for hours.

There were quite a few wildly funny incidents which involved ragging, nudity (male) and intoxications; let's take up a cleaner one below.

Our wing of 12 guys had a open door policy; anyone would walk-in for a sutta( cigarette) and find people playing cards at almost any hour of the day. Piyush and I were aspiring Instrumentation Engineers in our third year and firm believers in cycle-pooling.

One fine evening a sincere branch-mate walked into a smoke filled room and tells us that next day there is a class-test on MicroProcessors. He also informed that last year the professor had given 20 questions from the GATE exam and hence deduced that he should be studying the GATE paper. We inferred that it would be an objective type question paper and hence deduced that we should create a cheat-sheet. We wrote 1-20 on a sheet of paper and idea was to keep exchanging that sheet in exam hall with correct answers written on it. Satisfied with our preparation, we meandered into the world of Kings and Queens, and Hearts and Diamonds.

Next day Piyush and I wore shirts which had front pockets. Two guys wearing formal shirts riding double-seat on a cycle is a rare seen in KGP, we were men with a plan and least bothered about the general expectations in accordance with non-existent fashion trends of the campus .I kept the neatly folded sheet in my pocket. Piyush entered the classroom first and sat behind a bright chap and then I managed to sit behind Piyush. Luckily another studious fellow named Bornik sat behind me. We were all set.

Professor distributed the question papers. I knew answers to 2 out of 20, Piyush knew none. Everything was going as expected. I passed the sheet to Piyush with my 2 answers and then he returned it back without any value addition. I hurriedly pushed the sheet back into my pocket. We were sweating and nervous.

Then I saw Bornik’s left palm slightly open behind me. Even though he wasn’t in the loop, I decided to slip the cheat-sheet to him and rely on his presence of mind to comprehend its purpose. When the prof was about to turn, I got hold of the paper in my pocket and squeezed it into his hand, keeping my eyes all the time on the prof’s movements. Heartbeat-rate trebled. Bornik was apparently shocked by the action. The following conversation ensued:

“Ye kya hain?” (What’s this?)

“Khol ke dekh. Sab samajh jayega.” (Open it and you’ll understand)

“Aisa kyon kar rahan hain? Iski kya jarurat hain ?”(Why are you doing this? What’s the need of it?)

“Abe saale, discussion ka time nahi hain. Khol ke dekhaa ?” (Not a time for discussions; did u open it?)

“Mein aise hee bol deta hun. Mujhe nahi chaiye ye. Wapis le le.” (I’ll be telling you verbally. I don’t want this.Take it back).

“Abe likh ke de Ghochu. Kuch nahi hoga. Durr mat.” (Write it down #&@&#. Don’t worry)

Of course there were gaps in the above conversation, the words were not clear and we spoke whenever the professor turned. After a few such frantic and confusing verbal exchanges, he simply started dictating and we could manage 4-5 answers amongst us.

Then the bell rang and prof collected the answers. I leaned forward to Piyush and we exchanged that once-again-fucked look. I told Piyush that Bornik didn’t have the courage to exchange the cheat-sheet; he kept the sheet with himself and hence I couldn’t pass it along.
Meanwhile, Bornik stood up and took two steps to my desk.
He thumped his palm loudly on my desk.
When he lifted his palm, I saw a ten rupee note there.
He walked off in anger.
I was baffled for a second. Then it dawned.
I checked my front pocket. In it, lay the sheet which was supposed to sail us through.

PS : Bornik, to this day, thinks that I tried to bribe him for helping me in the test. He would never talk to me for the unintentional humiliation caused.


Kokonad said...

Ha ha ha ha! Quite a story! :)

Winnie the poohi said...

Cheated the poor guy tsk tsk! :D :D

Rashmi said...

Lolz, you write real good.And i too come across that unavoidable urge when in between of something important to blog :) Happie writing.

BrownPhantom said...

@Koko Thanks :). It actually happened.

@Winnie, Actually "bribed" him with Rs10, unintentionaly of course :).

@Rashmi, Welcome to the blog :). Many thanks for visiting and your comment.

preposterous girl said...

Ha ha ha ha.. ROTFL!!
Omg.. the whole set-up of the incidence was hilarious..
now I knw the meaning of "open door policy" lol..

Ravi Sagar said...

:) Nice incident. I hope Bornik reads this and forgive you.

Panky said...

Waise tere se suna hua tha pehle but fir bhi Maza aa gaya :)

Sumit said...

Lol! Poor Bornik! And his reactions must've been damn confusing for you too. :P

Me said...

kUDOS Phantom,
No other blogger manages to make me laugh my eyeballs off, as much as you do.. :D

sigh{wiping off the tears}
Planning the logistical arrrangements to the last bit..
Oh yeah..

I used to be guilty of drifting into one of those modes,in the middle of an exam i was bored to write on..:P

Yeah i had the same experience when i went to skate once and later on I couldnt recall if that was for real or a dream..

and erm the test..rofl..
case of zemblanity, for you :P

iceprincess said...

rat poo?heehee
nostalgia strikes at odd times...esp when ur SUPPOSED to do something so called important..and so dont wanna do it....
hope Bornik reads this.....
happy studying "econometrics and statistical interferce"
sigh..sounds complicated..and god only knows what!!

Niti said...

lol..bad luck at a bad time..:)

Phoenixritu said...

Oh my God! Parcha disasters are hilarious, have quite a stock of 'em myself

Little Girl Lost said...

oh god that was SO funny... loved it.
i think bornick was pissed off because he thought you were offering only 10 bucks. if the note had been a 500, he would probably have puffed up in self importance.

i know what you mean by 'planning' for trips. my boyfriend and i make elaborate plans to go to shankarpur or bakkhali, but we know we wont be able to get leave. planning is fun though, and a bit of a stress relief :)

Prasant Naidu. said...

hilarious(i can understand what all words ur friend must be uttering when he saw the 10 rupee note)...other than ur IIT i can relate most of the thinks as i am surviving near KGP.

Keep Rocking,


really nice one phantom!

Kadambari said...

Whoa! That's must have been scary (The prof!) and weird (The 10 bucks!)! Pass this link on to Bornik so, you guys settle it down! :)

Piggy Little said...

fun!! tho i can understand the consertnation after that :)

satwik said...

pet dard ho jata hai jab bhi yeh incident yaad ata hai....ur writing is really as infectious as ur company....when is a book coming out :)

AJai said...

I remember helping these two guys sitting either side of me. Those guys were from the same dep. Our seating arrangement was that we had to alternate and sit. And I was helping these guys out and suddenly in this one moment I had one guy's answer sheet with me and the examiner caught me. He was like 'you're a Maths guy what the hell are you doing with accounts paper?'. I cooked up a silly excuse that the sheet had flown away and I'd picked it up absent mindedly. Thank god he bought it! ;)

Dreaming Eyes said... shud write a book...u r very gud with words...take care...keep rocking...

AJ said...


Indyeah said...

rofl!!:D never expected THAT ending precisely :D

A bribe?:D
maybe he wanted more?@D ever thought about that?:D

kidding:D this seriously brought back some memories :D

err not that I ever cheated or anything :D

BrownPhantom said...

A million thanks to all of you who were kind enough to drop by and comment :).
Had a long day; shall be responding to you guys soon .

Serendipity said...

LOL!!!! :D

This was HIGHLY enjoyable :)

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Lol! Days in college undoubtedly are the very best! The friends one makes to the times one has.........they just dont seem to have a parallel!

Swaram said...

OMG! Loved gng thru this nostalgic post. It was like suspense well kept till the end. LOL at cleaning the rat poop :)

Anonymous said...

It made me remember Five Point someone!
When that Bornik friend of yours was not taking the "chit", I really thought that he was like the nerd guy among the three people in five point someone! :-)

Imp's Mom said...

hahaha... ROTFL... what a story!

this brought back memories :-D

Kunjal said...

yes it always happen that during exams we just plan good things or schedule that we are goign to follow as soon as exams will be over:)
:D:D:D poor Bhomik

Apurva said...

You write well; very well actually...I remember this incident but it was still fun to read. However, for me the best is your profile comment on your FAVOURITE BOOKS. Very original and very very very funny. I am a fan!

Preeti said...

hhehehe .....bribe someone with 10 bucks .....

college days were so much fun ..I never been in hostel ..and i dont miss it most of the times , just sometimes when people narrate such fun stories ..

bondgal_rulz said...

LMAO !!! :P

No wonder the guy was offended, he thought you tried to bribe him with just 10 bucks!! Lol

Really hilarious ya...keep up the good work..I mean the writing. :P

Great blog. :)


P.S. Check your previous post's comments too.

DPhatsez said...

"how well versed Bengalis are in doing things that involve sitting for hours"

Agreed Sir! ;)

Chalk this one up for 'Phantom Diaries: What not to do @ KGP'

\m/ Keep them coming ma man!

Deepu Vasudevan said...

Funny! Poor Bornik. :(

Friends of mine and I rented a couple of movies for Rs.20 (big money at the end of the month) to watch at my place. I slept off midway and one girl left her share (Rs.5) on my table after the movie was over. The next morning, she promptly finds me in class to ask "Hey, last night was fantastic, did you find the 5 rupees I left for you?" in front of the prof. And for the rest of college, that guy gave me the weirdest looks.
But yes, poor Bornik.

BrownPhantom said...


Thanks a lot for reading and commenting :).

Last heard, Bornik was with Mckinsey after passing out from IIMA. So you need not feel that sorry for him .

I am having very busy days this month and hence slow in reading your blogs and leaving my comments. That would be the best way to thank the bloggers for their time.

@Non-bloggers :

Appu, Kabhi India aaye to padhwaunga wo book . GOD-level hain :).

Pankaj, Dikha tha mujeh ek Fair-Isaac ka visitor site-stats me . Sune videsh ghoom aaye tum ?

Satwik, Tujhpe based hee likhunga book. Super-hit rahegi .

Anand said...

Hey Phantom, Brownie points to u for such detailed descriptins. Reminded me of my own college days. (I managed to passout of college somehow, managing not to pass-out literally and I work now for my paapi pet.)

U know u shud hv clicked that toy car frm the project and pasted it here for everyone to see. ;-)

Vinnie said...

funny indeed!
cant imagine u doing such a thing n wish to see the 'look' on ur face when u realised!

Anonymous said...

LOL :D Too good :)

Very well written :) Hope Bornik forgives you :)

Have a great weekend!!! Cheers!!! :)

Preeti Shenoy said...

Maybe if it was a 500 rupee note he would have been happier? :P :)
Just a thought! :)
Loved this post.

BrownPhantom said...

Thanks Preeti, Kido, Anand & Vinnie for dropping by.
I was a student riding borrowed bicycles. There was no way I wud have been unaware of a 500 note in my pocket in those days :).
Bornki wud have passed on his answer sheet to me for that amount :).

Tanvi said...

Hahaha, Quite a narration. Was still wondering why he was furious and only managed to realise it when u mentioned abt the 10 rs note in the

Thanks for ur comment on my blog...Do hope to receive more in the future.

Cяystal said...

I'm sure people come across that desperate urge to cheat often, but well..its better not to!
But anyway..this was good! And hilarious! :D

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

hahaha....iam laughing hard...
though the whole thing donned a little late...:D..
u write very well:)very very engaging i must add..

Stillness Speaks said...

Outrageously hilarious!! You could write a sequel to Five Point Someone :-)

P.S Thanks for dropping by my blog :)

Meghana Naidu said...

ROFL! when i read the title i though OK, another me-my college-and-its-pav-bhagi episodes.
but was hooked right from the first sentance on!! smooth narrative. hilarious descriptions write more! ;)

numerounity said...

Long new posts all well?

A snail like me had added 2 more post...but not you? write write...

BrownPhantom said...

@Meghna, Stillness & SFizing,
Many Thanks :). We shall be in touch through our blogs .

I've my exams till 10th of June and am busy writing mathematical equations until then. No point writing half-hearted fillers now. Shall compensate for the void as soon as I am free.
Lemme check your posts meanwhile :).

Cuckoo said...

Ha Ha Ha...

That was quite funny. College life is one of the most wonderful time of our life.

Poor Bornik....

Pesto Sauce said...

Happened with me in pre-boards Chemistry in class X. My friend copied some other answer for a different question from my sheet & later thoght I was fooling him

Bubbles said...

Lolzzzzzz that was funnyyyy!!!!

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

hahaha....that was so funny...bechare ko 10 rs kaa note haath mein de diya o lord...

BrownPhantom said...

Thanks for ur visit. Yes , those were the days .

@Bubbles ,
Glad that you liked it.

Yup, stupid things happen a lot in classrooms :).

Thanks :). I should have saved that note .

lafemmereva said...

:D once a cheat always a cheat!!!

BrownPhantom said...

People do reform. Remember Valmiki who used to collect fingers first and then wrote Ramayana.
There is always a hope :).
Thanks for your comment.

Ramjee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ramjee said...

bhai tu kaun se batch ka hai.. i guess 2003 passout. this was the best..!!

BrownPhantom said...

My guess that you guessed through easysquarefeet :)
Waise 2002 pass out hun. RK.
Tu ??

Ramjee said...

me 2003, NH. Came across your blog through my wingi.

BrownPhantom said...

Kaafi saare blogs hain in your profile. Which one do you maintain nowadays?
FB ke through aaya kya ? Add me if you are there :).

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nintendo ds r4 said...

Omg..Ha ha ha ha! Quite a story! :)
you write real good. the whole set-up of the incidence was hilarious..

Tejaswy said...

haha .....:D

Alpana Mandal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alpana Mandal said...

really didn't expect that ending!

Saurabh Gupta said...

Ha..ha...Nice one..!! Cool story..Did this happen in reality..??