Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Stupid Tit-Bits

1. Phantom Fetish
Long ago, when there used to be not more than a single hit per day on this blog, I would check each visitor’s location and referring URL on Sitemeter. So, one fine day there was a visitor all the way from Denmark. Pleasantly surprised to have a guest from a developed country on the blog, I went on to check the referring URL. He (I strongly believe it is not “She”) had come through Google search results for “Phantom + Vagina”.

I was filled with guilt for wasting his time. The culprit is this link along with the Blog title. The only solace for me is that he stayed on this blog for a good 40 minutes which is as good a tribute as this blog could've expected from someone seeking his fantasies. It’s quite hard to hold attention of a man who knows what he wants, especially when you offer, well, nothing. Awfully enough, this post’s title ensures that he might reach here once again if he tries to search for other anatomical parts of his Phantom princess. By the way, it’s unfair to assume that he was seeking porn; the search results show other possibilities.

2. Go Goa Go
Looks like Mr. TripToGoa would be hitting a century soon. Flights are booked, rooms reserved and mood is upbeat. Life’s tough since I have pretty high standards to meet. The last beach I sipped my whisky on was in a place called Miami . Previous to that, I was on the beaches of Texas and Florida during Spring-Break WooHooooo. Those feeling jealous need not worry a hell lot: I’m not gonna post any snaps here; might just describe a few incidents here and there which you may assume to be empty boasts. Did I tell you that I was a palmist during the spring break and a painter by profession in Miami?

3. Oral Affairs
To a man having a bad day, we say in Hindi: “Kiski shakal dekhee thee subah subah?” which loosely translates to “Whose face did you see first thing in the morning?” Cockroach it was for me today. Comfortable perched on the toothbrush. The sight broke my heart for three reasons.

Reason number one has to do with my principle to kill one when I see one. I am kind to ants but cruel to cockroaches. A slow drowning death with the smell of pesticide must have been its last memories.

The second reason was the realization that for every crime that is caught, there have been five committed that aren’t. The third one was that in real life in my bathroom, the 'Copenhagen Interpretation' amounts to nothing, which, in turn meant that I cannot just ignore what has been observed and hence go down to buy a new toothbrush and consequently climb up the four floors when the deed is done.

Now that we are discussing toothbrushes, here’s a handy tip to keep in mind while buying one. Choose the weirdest looking toothbrush at the shop; more so if you plan to visit your relatives for days. I bought a dark purple one with yellow lines on it. In case you wondered about who the potential buyers are for those distastefully colored toothpastes , the answer is : Wise men who have been there, suffered that.


I had planned on writing three more stupid bits, but telephonic interruptions have delayed the endeavor. It’s time to sleep now. Tomorrow morning I am gonna put that filthy six incher in my mouth. The act would continue for a few minutes leaving my mouth filled with froth which I must spit and not swallow. Let me check if there’s a Little Johnny joke on the same lines. Readers, please send me a link if you find one.

I am ashamed of the perverted undertone of this entire post.

18 comments:

Sanjay said...

So what you would be in Goa :).

Rohan Saundattikar said...

I must say a well encapsulated undertone ;)

BrownPhantom said...

@Sanjay ,Only time will tell .
@Rohan , Yahan bhi OOPs waali language use kar daali :).

Nish said...

Phantomji mera haath pakad kar baat karo mere haal ki sajan mila nahi kyun ab tak hui mein Solah saal ki :).....pahantomji phantomjiii...! Remember this song ?

Kanchan said...

Very cute titsi bitsi :). U can never know where google search will land you to though ha ha !

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Hmm.. now I am curious.. what did you search on google when you first reached on my post :D :D :D

Zulfikar said...

Lol Phantom bhai.
I relate very well to such results that r returned on google. Aapka to phantom keyword tha usmein,imagine when I got a visitor with totaly unrelated keywords to m site and my site was not even in the results :-$ Aaj tak pata hi nahi chala ke how does one searchin for some feetish words ended up on Dostana Mehfil. Chalo koi baat nahi, at least we still have our sense of humour intact :D

TheZenThing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BrownPhantom said...

@Scattered,
:).
By the way your blog was reached through blog-hopping.

Paradox Philic said...

Lol@ Phantom search
I came here through someone's blog (dont rem whose)...while putting up with insomnia (which hits me sometimes)...

This was a fun read :)
Will be back for more!

BrownPhantom said...

@Paradox Philic,
Glad that you were here :).One is allowed to stay late on saturday nights. Let's not call that a bout of insomnia :).

Nothingman said...

Talking of search strings, the title of this post and the keywords in this one are surely going to bring some weird search results your way :D
Phantom is cool :) There was an indian version also, no? Chalta Firta Bhoot something.

You remember?

N

BrownPhantom said...

@NothingMan

Yes, you are right about the keywords:). Should be good fodder for some new posts.

In case you are refering to hindi comics, I don't recall reading any popular bhoot hero, not until 2002at least;and trust me, I've read a lot of crap:). Kobi Bhediya comes close though since he operates in jungles.

Paradox Philic said...

Yeah that would have worked.... except that Sunday is the first working day of the week for me :(

Nish said...

@Nothingman ..I have read lots of Indian comics, but can't remember Phantom's Indian version ...might be 'Betal' , but that was just a dubbed version of Phantom.

@BrownPhantom : Kobi Bhediya was a Werewolf ?

Mukta said...

aw man the cockroach incident was so sad, there he musta been that brave roach, antennas testing the winds; trying to look down from the peak of the toothbrush! You could have just killed an innocent villager who came to the city of the bathroom for the first time. His first ever journey to venture out from kitchenviya land.

And why not ants then? Too cute, or too small in surface area to do real damage? They may be small, but they can walk ALL over your toothbrush a hundred times over.

BrownPhantom said...

@Mukta,
Abt the cockraoch : Jab geedad ki maut aati hain to shahar ki taraf bhaagta hain.

Abt the ants : One of my friends used to put some ants while cooking his omelette. I tasted it too.Not a bad substitute for salt.

Minu said...

so you know the 'string' that got me here, the time spent, the read tales, blah, blah, blah. What you do not know is that the zillion lines of brain code that tuned(strayed?) me here and prisoned(with smiles) me here. At times a totally idle and zilch brain powder does wonders - ironically -uhh?