Stupid Tit-Bits

1. Phantom Fetish
Long ago, when there used to be not more than a single hit per day on this blog, I would check each visitor’s location and referring URL on Sitemeter. So, one fine day there was a visitor all the way from Denmark. Pleasantly surprised to have a guest from a developed country on the blog, I went on to check the referring URL. He (I strongly believe it is not “She”) had come through Google search results for “Phantom + Vagina”.

I was filled with guilt for wasting his time. The culprit is this link along with the Blog title. The only solace for me is that he stayed on this blog for a good 40 minutes which is as good a tribute as this blog could've expected from someone seeking his fantasies. It’s quite hard to hold attention of a man who knows what he wants, especially when you offer, well, nothing. Awfully enough, this post’s title ensures that he might reach here once again if he tries to search for other anatomical parts of his Phantom princess. By the way, it’s unfair to assume that he was seeking porn; the search results show other possibilities.

2. Go Goa Go
Looks like Mr. TripToGoa would be hitting a century soon. Flights are booked, rooms reserved and mood is upbeat. Life’s tough since I have pretty high standards to meet. The last beach I sipped my whisky on was in a place called Miami . Previous to that, I was on the beaches of Texas and Florida during Spring-Break WooHooooo. Those feeling jealous need not worry a hell lot: I’m not gonna post any snaps here; might just describe a few incidents here and there which you may assume to be empty boasts. Did I tell you that I was a palmist during the spring break and a painter by profession in Miami?

3. Oral Affairs
To a man having a bad day, we say in Hindi: “Kiski shakal dekhee thee subah subah?” which loosely translates to “Whose face did you see first thing in the morning?” Cockroach it was for me today. Comfortable perched on the toothbrush. The sight broke my heart for three reasons.

Reason number one has to do with my principle to kill one when I see one. I am kind to ants but cruel to cockroaches. A slow drowning death with the smell of pesticide must have been its last memories.

The second reason was the realization that for every crime that is caught, there have been five committed that aren’t. The third one was that in real life in my bathroom, the 'Copenhagen Interpretation' amounts to nothing, which, in turn meant that I cannot just ignore what has been observed and hence go down to buy a new toothbrush and consequently climb up the four floors when the deed is done.

Now that we are discussing toothbrushes, here’s a handy tip to keep in mind while buying one. Choose the weirdest looking toothbrush at the shop; more so if you plan to visit your relatives for days. I bought a dark purple one with yellow lines on it. In case you wondered about who the potential buyers are for those distastefully colored toothpastes , the answer is : Wise men who have been there, suffered that.

I had planned on writing three more stupid bits, but telephonic interruptions have delayed the endeavor. It’s time to sleep now. Tomorrow morning I am gonna put that filthy six incher in my mouth. The act would continue for a few minutes leaving my mouth filled with froth which I must spit and not swallow. Let me check if there’s a Little Johnny joke on the same lines. Readers, please send me a link if you find one.

I am ashamed of the perverted undertone of this entire post.