Sunday, September 28, 2008

My Sweet Family

Refrigerator: Hi, my name is Calvin. This chap bought me three years ago. I have seen few things in life: Apples, milk, coke, beer and whisky (why whisky??). My freezer has never been used. This guy doesn't know whether and how to defrost me. Though my top is over utilized. He keeps nail-cutter, car-keys, expired pizza-hut coupons, coins, chewing gums and a lot of trash there. Spiders love my back side.

Washing machine: Hi, I am Whirly. I am in comma since last 2 years 10 months. The lazy bum doesn't use me any more. My work has been outsourced to a maid; reason being sighted was management overhead. He further harasses me by daily putting the clothes to be washed on me.

Laptop: Mr. Louis Dell here. My memory has been corrupted with porn, pirated movies and music. I seldom visit good sites; mostly browse through tabloids and junk sites dedicated to filmy-gossips, relationships ("10 ways to tell your boyfriend is bisexual" type) and explicit videos. First look at this geeky-looking dude and I had high hopes of running high-end algorithms on me churning out zillions of bits. Haven't executed even a single excel macro on me. The most respectable job I've done is preparing a word-document (the idiot's resume). I've never been entertained with a 3-D game; never gone beyond "Hearts" & "Solitaire".

Bed: He hasn't given me any name but I fancy myself being called Trash-bag. Anything in his house that is not at its allotted place is on me. 90% of his stuff fall into this category ; they are all in search of the promised land. Of course, the mattress is not on me. Poor her, she lies on the floor.

Chair: No name for me too. I service his feet more than his butt. I've been used to change tube-light and shove all the utensils given by his mother in a rack above where no one sees them. Mostly I am used to block the door from shutting when he needs breeze to flow through the house.

Car: My name is Vinnie (cause my number is V9920). I've been injured a lot in past; no medical care has been offered. He doesn't care whether I am serviced, whether the air pressure is enough, blah blah blah. All he does on time is insuring me; I believe he is waiting for me to die and claim the money. I haven’t seen any place outside the cities he stays in.

16 comments:

mukta said...

Hey Vinnie!
Naa munni naa, aise nahi kehte! Now you are being slightly forgetful, though his love is not maintaineous in its manifestations, still he showers all his love on you! Take your name, have you forgotten how he named you with such care and consideration... in many ways you are his best friend!

mishti said...

My Goodness! :D Are these all your original thoughts?? Then I give you my smile :) Awesome things up there !!! And ya, you are an amazing human being :) Be the same...

Take care :)

prabhat said...

Aare aap to chuppe rustam nikle. I have just one word << fantabulous >>

ray said...

Hi ,

I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be very good.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘The Brown Phantom’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)

Cheers,

TinTin said...

bada ghareloo mahol bana ke rakha hai ghar pe :P
kitna pyar jhalak raha hai aapas mein.

good characterization !
of all "family" and YOU..
liked your writing style..

TinTin said...

Whirly, Vinnie ... bade hi chanchal aur kamuk nam hai :)

Admin said...

read a true blue hilarious blog in a long long time... ek dum jhakaas...

- mayuri

Beena said...

This shows how mechanical life has become these days,with not even a single human being around...

Tandoori said...

Love it!! Ridiculously funny!!

lafemmereva said...

what abt ur phone...u left him!! he will be feeling neglected!

BrownPhantom said...

@lafemmereva,
Oh yes. How did I miss that. Let me cook up something for it and if it's good enough, the post shall be updated :).
Thanks for wandering around here :).

Deepti said...

Awsum!!!..wnderful post..loved it...:))....

POTPOURRI said...

All the members are dumb and deaf so add somebody who can speak and listen to your list of family members:}

Anonymous said...

Are these all your original thoughts??I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be very good.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more..

tarjeta r4 sdhc said...

This shows how mechanical life has become these days,with not even a single human being around...

Anonymous said...

I'm in a love-hate relationship with digital memory because of the way prices are always dropping. I absolutely hate buying Micro SD Cards for my R4 / R4i at (seemingly) a crazy bargain price only to see it become ten percent cheaper a few months later.

(Posted on qqPost for R4i Nintendo DS.)