Saturday, February 13, 2010

Four Whatevers And A Song

Saying Hi To The Dead

Get yourself a plain sheet of paper and a pen.
Find an ant if the dead was a nice fellow. Else get a tiny spider.
Contact me if you can’t find a spider.
Write “Hi” followed by the dead one’s name on the sheet. Block letters preferred.
Cripple the creature and let it roam on the sheet for a while.
Burn the sheet. The blighter must not escape the fire.

A Day On Planet Earth

Sun rises
Stuff happens.
Sun sets.
Corollary: Don’t take a cock along with you while flying west.

Entropy And The Exception

The fan has stopped responding to the switch.
The tap is leaking drops.
The car is taking more time to start.
I am nearing death.


So this well informed woodcutter throws his wooden axe into the pond and hopes for God to appear with the offers. Last week, he threw it in the shallow area and ended up getting wet at the end of the day. He showed more commitment today.

God, as usual, doesn’t have anything useful to do except, of course, to watch the rerun of Ashes 2005. The wood-cutter’s bawl interrupts the commentary.

Voila. God appears. Customary greetings follow and the cause of grief is communicated to God. God decides to check whether humans have evolved using the same old "three- axe" test.

Is this your axe?” God brings the golden one.
“I wouldn’t be a wood-cutter my Lord”.
You know the story, don’t you?
“Which story my Lord?” Wood-cutter followed the universal rule. Never admit.
Oh well. We’ll talk about it later. Is this your axe?” The bored God adds a twist.
“I haven’t lost any deodorant, Sir.”
Alright! Is this the one?” God brings forth the iron axe.
“Yes, my lord. Very kind of you, my lord. Can I have my axe my Lord?”
First let me tell you the story.” God continued, “Hundreds of years ago a wood-cutter was in a similar situation, responded similarly and in turn received three axes. The next morning, two of them cut his arms and the golden one beheaded him.
“Why cut his arms if he was to be beheaded anyway?”
That’s not the point. Point is that you must spread this story amongst all the moronic wood-cutters who keep throwing their axes in water. In turn, you get the golden axe.
“Won’t it behead me?”
Don’t worry about that. Too many have already died on this blog and I am done spilling blood for the day. I’ll go catch the rerun now. Just enough time left for the last session.”
“Thank you, my Lord”.
Take this deodorant too. You need it.”

A Song

Found this on BBC Introducing Program


Ashley said...

*Clap Clap Clap*
I am just shocked! How do you come up with these again?

Shanu said...

Loved them all..yet again :)

Shruthi said...

that was a super post :D
and goes without saying that I liked this woodcutter story better than the original? :)
I've a request pliss, how about writing your version of some of our classics; something like Monty Pythons red riding hood sketch :)

Anonymous said...

Honestly most of what you write holds me spellbound ...even if I am still left trying to grasp the meaning at the end of it..the hidden nuances...

The deodorant bit?unexpected and therefore supremely hilarious:D

PS:- also many congratulations on winning the contest. I know I am very late in wishing you but just came to know from Preeti's post a few days back:)

Kanchan said...

This is one of the best posts by far !!
Simply hilarious and very dark at the same time ..

AJai said...

He he... coming after a long time. Good Stuff. :)

Ritu said...

:) Interesting!

Shas said...

ROFL...gud ones.

BrownPhantom said...

@Ashley, Shanu, Shruthi, Indyeah, Kanchan, Ajai, Ritu and Shas,

Thank you so much for your kind words :). Really am grateful :).

Minu said...

Are you the GOD of writing?

Can't see you thinking normal like us! Another innovative piece of from you!