Sunday, August 9, 2009

Ghanshyams vs Fairbrothers, and Bala goes to Singapore

The Ghanshyams are at it again.Dark fat bastards. The barbarians hit each other harder and harder. Each blow brings a cry with pain and their shrieks are loud enough to rattle the windows.

They scared away poor little Fairbrothers. They always do.

Fairbrothers.White nimble darlings. Gently they move with heavenly grace. Always well behaved and quiet.

Right now, it is the grimy Ghanshyams who occupy the stage. But God, in his infinite wisdom, has ensured that they won’t survive for long. If they are lucky, they move away unharmed, with painful lethargy.

However, the movement only delays the inevitable for the doomed brethren. For, it is their fate to kill each other, to degenerate each other into the tiniest of pieces till the last drop of their blood spills over the ground beneath.

And when the massacre happens, the occasion is celebrated. Peacocks dance. Thirsty trees begin greening. The farmer Ramsakha from Bhusakhedi thanks God for the rain. The violent death of dark clouds nourishes life on earth.

Later, accompanied with cool wind, return the white clouds that were chased away by Ghanshyams. Then, even Ramsakha from Bhusakhedi, standing in his green fields, admires the Fairbrothers playing in the blue sky. For him, the only virtue in Ghanshyams is their immediate destruction, right in front of his eyes.

I call it God's own apartheid.

Added later: Many told me that this piece was confusing. So, to clarify, Ghanshyams are Dark Clouds while Fairbrothers are white.

________________________________________________________________________________

That’s it. I’ve deleted the remaining drafts now and would make a fresh start from next post.

By the time I publish this post, my brother (nicknamed Bala) would be on his way to Singapore for his new job. I don’t have a family connection now with Mumbai anymore which saddens me. He has been there since last eight years.

Anyone who needs Gold Gym membership in Bandra at dirt cheap price, please leave a comment. You get to pump iron and run alongside Salman, Bipasha, Neha Dhupia and many models and actors.

Bala would be sending his Television to me. No matter how far I run away from the idiot box, it follows me with even greater fervor. Three years ago when I shifted to my new place, the owner was a friend and left the Television back. I dumped it at another friend’s place. A bigger irony was to follow. I got a job where they write software for set-top boxes and I have Televisions (fantastic digital ones) all around me in office. I can have Tata-sky or Airtel digital Tv connection for free as per the company policy. I must withstand the temptation if the blog has to survive, if my Yoga has to continue and a few more good ifs, because the presence of TV around me works like dementors. I loose all senses and numbly zap thorugh the channels for hours. I prefer youtube. That way I watch only that which is worthy of searching and waiting for the streaming through broadband at Indian speed.

Bala had posted his requirements for a residential stay in Singapore on various rental sites. His inbox is getting invitation to share apartments from females too and each such mail is duly forwarded to all his friends in Mumbai.All of a sudden each one of his friends has gone high on morals and culture; they are voicing concerns that Bala should not forget the Bhartiya Sanskriti.

Understandably, my parents are not in a jolly mood today. But the point is that for all practical purposes he has shifted closer to them. Earlier, he used to go by an overnight train to Dewas which took 13 hours. Now he would reach home in 7 hours since all of his travel would be via plane.

He visited Dewas last week. He went to the VT Railway station directly from his office and removed his shirt to wear a black T-shirt in the taxi itself. Then he rolled up his yellow cargo pants. He was going to remove the black leather shoes in train itself before going for sleep. At the gates of the railway station, security police stopped him and started checking his luggage. He was surprised and looked around for a clue. Then he caught sight of a mirror. His outfit and luggage looked exactly like none other than that of Kasab. To make matter worse, he was carrying passport and other papers for visa preparations. You can only sympathize with the growing suspicion in police-wallas. Bala was a regular at the aforementioned gym and has good body with biceps and all. He answered all their questions patiently, explained them that the metallic rectangle is an I-Pod and let them hear Eminem through it; they even asked him to explain about the book he carried: “Three Men in a Boat”.

You feel the distance more when the time-zones are very much separated. Then it feels as if you are in a different universe. While in US, I always found it difficult to communicate with my parents. There were very few eligible slabs for calling home, mostly at least one party would be sleeping or in office. But Singapore is just 2.5 hours ahead, which in fact gives a perfect offset given the lifestyle of my parents and Bala. Parents sleep at 10.30 while Bala doesn’t even think of going to bed before 12. At 8 o’clock when my mom would ask, “Khana kha liya?”, I would still be saying “Itne jaldi kaun khata hain” while Bala just had to truthfully answer “Haan”. But the best thing about Singapore is that it is so easy to pronounce.

34 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

goodluck for ur bro in his new venture in Singapore, and enjoy his left behind goodies :D

Cheers!

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

Pls send the gold gym card to me...

and oh wish bala all the best on my behalf...

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

lol...so who has ur bro decided to move in with?do share that aspect;)
i agree with u for tv working as a dementor...coz its just the same with me..but i somehow can never get rid of it
nice read it was!:)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

1st part was OTA.. but 2nd one.. yeah.. I could relate to that :)) good for him.. I guess.. and yeah you will come out of it eventually.. :)

Preeti Shenoy said...

Es post mein Ghanshyam kaun hai aur Fairbrother kaun hain? :P :) (just a thought) :)

My bro goes to the same gym. He is a lot like your bro except for the yellow cargo pants which I am sure you made up. :) Sibling rivalry manifests itself in many ways but it isn't detection proof :)

jokes apart, Good post (even the apartheid bit)

Cheers
preeti

Aparna said...

Wish Mumbai would have more ghanshyams. The fairbrothers seem to have taken over the sky.
How much of your brother's misadventure was true and how much was made up?
Best wishes to your brother.

AJai said...

He he... ya even God is racist if u look at it like that. ;). I didn't have a clue as to what the title was leading me to. I wish the first part was longer.
And your bro's a real lucky. S'pore is one helluva place. Maybe you should try and go there for a holiday with him. ;)

अर्शिया अली said...

Nice Blog. Congrats.
{ Treasurer-T & S }

Nish said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nish said...

I did not roll up the yellow cargo pant...I was wearing a formal cotton light brown pant which looked like a cargo ...I only changed my formal shirt to Black T with "Dark side of the moon" Written on it...rest everythin is truth ..I lived in Mumbai for 8 years and always had that Marathi charm spell but on my last day this happened.

Harshita said...

:) I too got confused, I wont lie... I am not that smart to understand it all in one go...

God indeed is racist here... :) Loved the conclusion.

Let us knw... who finally gets to be Bala's roomie...hehe... Wish him all the best.

AJ said...

Bala ki Jai ho.... bala, dhanya ho!! :))

I surely will miss his hospitality (in bars/pubs) in mumbai..:D I sqaurely blame this "swine flu" for not able to take a farewell party, from him... :D

Knowing him, I too blv most of his stories r true!!... in my last chat with him, I heard "he is not missing india' now what does this mean??:P

good luck, Nish..

cheers
-AJ

Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Me said...

Hey Mr Phantom, you definitely are the fruition of the ghanshyams smashing into millions of particles and falling down as droplets of ideas..
You simply germinate the fertile grounds of imagination, bringing forth the celestial harvest, which is rarer than the Hailey's comet, appearance to human eyes :D

Hehhe...the name:"three men and a boat", floated in front of my eyes as you were describing Bala's appearance, had reaD It 10 years back, but somehow anticipated its mention today :)
I'm glad it all turned out fine.. terrorists, swine flu scare..people are dangling at the edge every time..one of these is mentioned here in Mumbai
Wish him all of the best!!!.. :)

Life just changes in a jiffy and you feel your zapping in and out of a wormhole as you transit between your then and now..
TV ..it's my life's dementor too...
and yeah..Khanna kha liya thing..it's the same way in my life too..
Tcare :)

Deepti said...

nice post...:).All d best to ur bro..:)

Shanu said...

Your post made me smile :)

Shruthi said...

:) But I want more of Ghanshyams and Fairbrothers. maybe you can write a prequel, what say? :)
and best wishes to your brother. Hope he finds a nice roomie :D

Indyeah said...

your bro reminds me of mine:)
All the best to him:) though with his 'not missing India ' line(in one of the comments below) I think he will do just fine:))))

and more on the first part please:) a continuation ...:)

PS:-three men in a boat?classic!:)

BrownPhantom said...

@Hopeless Romantic,
I would dump his goodies in a corner :). Thanks .

@Gayathri,
50% discount par milega madam :).
Thanks :)

@santasizing,
Turns out, he is going to stay with 2 desi guys :).
Thanks :)

@Scattered Thoughts,
Thanks man :)

BrownPhantom said...

@Preeti,
Your suspicion were partially correct about the yellow pants:) . Bro explained in a comment below. Thanks :)

@Aparna,
All of it was true :). May there be more rain everywhere . Thanks :)

@Ajai,
Yes, Plan ready ho rahen hain :).Thanks.

@Harshita,
Two desi launde are going to be his flatmates :). Thank you :)

@Arshiya,
Thanks :)

BrownPhantom said...

@Me,
So good to see you back.
You are so right :). Thanks a lot :).

@Deepti,
Thank you :)

@Shanu,
So did your comment :).

@Shruthi,
Yes, we all do :). He found 2 . Thanks :).

@Abhilasha,
Really ? :)
He did miss India in his first week. And yes, that book is great fun. Thank you :)

pravanjan said...

So the mumbai police thinks the next terrorist is going to roll with the similar outfit, hmm.. Bala is in a safer place now.

Stupidosaur said...

Yeah.
TV is the bane.
"Three men in a boat" is damn funny. Damn damn funny!
It was funny in this post too!

Meghana Naidu said...

actually i rather wish you hadn't added the post script. its more fun without it.
me likes it twisted.
:D

and Noooooo! at the TV. it'll screw you up proper. it will it will.

Meghana Naidu said...

and oh forgot... Fun fun post

*totally snort worthy :D

chirpy-paaro said...

Nice post!! didnt knew nishikant is ur brother...i have met him through my hubby!!

BrownPhantom said...

@chirpy-paaro,
Thanks :). Wud talk to Nish too abt u :).

Saurabh said...

Nice...U seem to be a prolific blogger..I was just randomly goin through some of ur blogs..!! They r an interesting read..!! I enjoyed them quite a lot.

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