Sunday, June 14, 2009

Bloody Indians in Vegas

As mentioned in the previous post, here’s another twisted tale of telephony.

First, the disclaimer: Unlike other incidents on this blog, this one is not autobiographical. It happened with three guys whose identity shan’t be revealed. Being trustworthy has many benefits in the long run.

Three twenty some-things, born and brought up in India, gathered in Las Vegas. Let’s name the three characters as LK (Logical Kamina), CB (Confused Bhola) and DA (Devil’s Advocate).

LK stays in India and was on a three-week business trip to California. LK and CB had studied together in a reputed institute of India while DA and CB were doing their MS degree together in a reputed institute of USA. CB was the common friend and it was he who planned the two-day trip to Vegas in honor of LK’s short visit.

Apart from having good-natured fun, adventure and gambling in the sin-city, the idea (as must be expected given the group’s demographical attributes and the geography they were in) was to do something “sexy” (a refinement of their terminology; they called it chamdigiri).

LK is a pompous fellow and had already announced to the world that he was going to Vegas. Everyone in his circle naturally assumed that he would at least visit a strip-bar and so it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. It would have been foolish, according to LK, to take the blame and still not commit the crime. You have to hand him some points there. But let’s also keep in mind for the rest of the post that LK has been brought up quite well in a very traditional family.

CB, like most of the engineering student, was still a virgin and not very proud of the fact; however he was a good boy with a good heart. He has a wavering mind and can get carried away in his weak moments.

I don’t know much about DA apart from his role in this episode and hence the name. He was single mindedly focused on getting laid in Vegas and that was the reason he was on the trip, despite not being a close friend of LK.

Let’s jump straight to their hotel room when they were about to plan that something “sexy”. Of course, they have been discussing and researching it since days, but now was the time to act.

“We have three options: 1. Go to a nightclub, patao drunken girls, do some grinding and may be more. 2. Get a Lap-Dance in a Strip Club 3. Call a hooker.” LK summarized the problem efficiently.

“Let’s do 1 first and then we’ll do the third” DA was in the mood to live life to the fullest. The reason for him not including the second point was the budget constraint put on the "sexy" task before the trip began.

“I can’t do point number one. 24 saal me ek desi to pati nahi, ek raat me gori kahan se pategi” CB was brutally honest here.

“I agree with CB. Mujh se bhi nahi hoga point one.” LK had no delusions either.

“Ok, then let’s call the hooker. No point wasting time.” DA didn’t like the structured approach taken for the purpose.

“Naa. Raani nahi yaar. We’ll just take a Lap-dance and that’s it. Full-fledged thoda jyada ho jayega” the traditionally brought up LK voiced his reluctance.
(“Raani” is an intentional typo here. Call me a hypocrite if you will, but to me, expletives and swear-words in Hindi sound much more horrible than in English.)

“Who is going to know? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” DA tried to persuade using conventional wisdom. He was distraught at the stand being taken.

“I agree with LK. Having paid-sex doesn’t feel right. Lap-dance is a good compromise” CB continued with the analytical tone.

“Majority wins. I am going to bathe and then we’ll all go to the “Rebecca’s Palace” across the street for the Lap-dance.” LK was relieved at CB’s support, and closed the discussion.

As LK finished his bath and walked into the room, he saw the pale face of CB and a nervous smile on DA.

“He called the hooker. Teeno ke liye ek hee mangaayi hain” CB was quick to offload the guilt. Clearly DA had attacked the still-a-virgin weak point of CB and got him to agree in LK’s absence.

“Abe, why did you agree!! Aur TEEN ke liye EK. Imagine how we would do it. Taking turns into the room ?? How filthy can you get!!” LK was extremely annoyed.

“Per-head one was getting out of budget constraint.” said CB.

“I don’t care. I am not participating. I am going alone to Rebecca’s. You two do what you want to.” LK made his point clear.

Within minutes, CB was back on LK’s side. DA couldn’t afford the cost alone. So they decided to call it off. So as to not bruise DA’s ego further, it was decided that CB would have to call up the agency and cancel the service.

“Do it quick. She would ask for money if she gets here” LK was strict on CB.

“Kya bolke manaa karun?” CB posed a valid question; not many have any answers to it. For an inexperienced bunch in a foreign territory, it was all the more difficult.

“You just call and say whatever comes to your mind at that time” LK, the wisest amongst the three, said.

CB rang up the number and came up with this gem “Hello! Actually our parents are also coming here. Please don’t come.”

LK and DA were in tears within seconds. Only a true son of soil, from the land where once Shravana was born, could have come up with that excuse.

CB didn’t lose his virginity that night, but all three had great fun at Rebecca’s. More importantly, they have ensured sound sleep without any worries for Indian ladies whose worse half would be traveling to Vegas. By now the word must have traveled through the escort services there and all the Indians must have been blacklisted.

41 comments:

Meghana Naidu said...

Ah! as always, such entertaining spiel can be found ony at the 'true indian random house'

Empathy to the DA, actually. poor sucker got sucked in by worse suckers. Now he'll think 'if only' for evermore

And thanks for the heads up on the 'taboo-d indians'
Will spread the word around

*honest*

:D

Nicky said...

hahaa...

This is not a one off story! Its actually quite common, but most people wouldn't have cancelled the call.

Losing one's virginity to a hooker is just sad - I guess CB felt that way somewhere deep down.

Anyways, this was one reason why all Indians who EVER visited the US of A are banned from my end-of-date-kiss list - ever heard of the kissing disease? :P - quite a lot of people banned - I know, can't help it :D

Choco said...

Lolzz..Quite true. I have heard of people having such hopes when traveling abroad. :)
& oh you are so right about abuses sounding so much more worse in Hindi!

Arnab Majumdar said...

Hehehe... that had to be one of the most hilarious experiences I've heard about. And dude... of all things, Raani?? ROFLMAO!!!

I wonder what the agency said when they heard that excuse. Would have been so much fun to be there :D

Cheers man... keep writing.

Shruthi said...

Lol @ ‘My parents are also coming’. Great read , as usual. And no, you aint a hypocrite coz such words do sound crass in hindi/kannada. Raani is the right choice I would say ;)hehe

Winnie the poohi said...

*chuckles* poor sods!

BrownPhantom said...

@Meghana,
Plz don't call my friends suckers :). They helped you ladies in such a self-sacrificing way.
Your comments are always awaited. Thanks :).


@Nicky,
You just confirmed LK's point :). You gonna miss out on a very interesting bunch. A rething is advised :).
Thank you so much for being here :).

BrownPhantom said...

@Choco,
Yes, don't know why. Maybe we should test the swear words with someone who understands only Mandarin and ask him for confirmation :).
Many thanks.

@Arnab,
Good to see you here after a long break :). I couldn;t stop laughing for hours when the story was being told. It's a gem.
Thanks a lot :).

BrownPhantom said...

@Shruthi,
Yes, that word was chosen carefully :). That line is the only reason for the entire post :).
Glad to see you again :).

@Winnie,
Please don't swear at them :).
Thank you so much for the visit :).

Mohammed Musthafa said...

haha...man....you've got a real good talent at narrating funny stuff..i liked this one...and yes, ur About Me is perhaps the best i've read! combing the hair...lol!

TinTin said...

mast post again.. yeh post likhe ke liye kab se tadap rahe honge. nahi? :)

lafemmereva said...

hahaha!!! U should watch this move Hangover. Of course in that they have their fun but then its so true!!

And incidentally my cubicle mate here is plannign a vacation to Vegas - all in whispers! :D

BrownPhantom said...

@lafemmereva,
Lemme see if i can get a pirated download of that movie. Cheap Indians :).
As per your cubilce mate :"Consider it done".
Thank you so much for your visit.

@Mohammed,
Thanks dude for your appreciations :).

@Tintin,
Haan yaar..jab se first hand suni thi :). Milte hain kabhi..

Nicky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harshita said...

hahaha...

What an excuse... wonderful funny post.

numerounity said...

Good one…but not as vivid as the “axe” one!! Poor CB…Is he for real? ;)

BTW didn't see much of you off late @

Http://ektakhetan.blogspot.com

AJ said...

I know this LK... I blv...

When I went to US, his first advise was "Vegas nahi gaye, aur lap dance nahi liya na beta, moo math dikhayiyo......" I managed to go to vegas alone, but didnt dare much to go for a strip club...[:P], let alone the hooker...

but luvd this post!!! :))

--AJ

Vinnie said...

hehhehee...just another Rahul-Mahesh-Hiten story if u will...:)
they drop off their luggage right at the strip clubs itself...wonder what the Las Vegans have to say ???

BrownPhantom said...

@Vinnie,
It's just another story, except for the excuse. It's hard to beat that in such context :). Thanks a lot :).

@AJ,
That's typical LK style :). But yaar badi sharm aayi hogi uskaa saamna karne me :). Shukriyaa ...

BrownPhantom said...

@Harshita,
Yes, that's a seriously funny excuse in the circumstances :). Lots of thanks :).

@Numerounity,
Well, the beauty of this incident lies in the excuse and that it really happened :). Otherwise yes,fantasy always has a better chance of defeating reality :). Thanks . Yes, I am lagging a bit on visitng fellow blogs. Promise to cover up soon :).

@Nicky,
Naah..Never been to Vegas. Have been to east coast and south mainly. Was in San Francisco for a month , but didn't move around much. But yes, Vegas is definitely high up on my places to visit list ;)

Bubbles said...

"parents are also coming"....is CB for real??? Man, i almost fell down laughing!
Oh yeah u r sooo true abt abuses sounding sooo much worse in Hindi!

Preeti Shenoy said...

Poor sex deprived Indian men :)(and to think that we are the second most populous nation) I think its all the early adulthood depravity that makes them want to catch up at a later date :)
Really LOL'd reading this post. :)
Loved it. Needless to say recommended this too to Blogadda.Lets see which one they pick.
Cheers
preeti

BrownPhantom said...

@Preeti,
Yes, that sums up the ground reality very well. It does make for such funny situations now & then though.
No words of gratitude would suffice here :). BlogAdda picked up the previous post. Thanks again.

@Bubbles,
Yes dear. I can't imagine that line on my own :). Thank you for the visit.

Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Me said...

.
Vagaries of human mind to accelerate the thought process from one to another in less than a min.. [:P]
and "My Parents will also be coming"..was simply the most hilarious of all excuses heard till date..how did that receptionist respond ?
hehe.. I like the way u induce humor with a twist in the text. :)

Kanchan said...

ha haha i think the story is very cute :) and very realistic !!

Preeti Shenoy said...

After the two consecutive really good posts, i had to tag you in my latest post.
If u do it, I'd love to read.
Cheers
preeti

Nicky said...

*Naah..Never been to Vegas. Have been to east coast and south mainly. Was in San Francisco for a month , but didn't move around much. But yes, Vegas is definitely high up on my places to visit list ;)*

Aaah! Just when I was getting my hopes up! *opens her book of potential dudes and crosses off "Brown Phantom X" * tsk tsk... too bad!

indyeahforever said...

Three twenty some-things, born and brought up in India, gathered in Las Vegas. Let’s name the three characters as LK (Logical Kamina), CB (Confused Bhola) and DA (Devil’s Advocate).
ROFL!!where do you get these brainwaves from?:D

By now, the word must have traveled through the escort services there and all the Indians must have been blacklisted.
I am sure they have been :D

great posts these :D and I keep wondering about the mind that churns them out :D

bondgal_rulz said...

Whoa!! This was really hilarious!!!

Uff!! The battle between the mind and the heart!! he he

GREAT post!!

Cheers

BrownPhantom said...

@Me,
Welcome back.Yes,in fact it's the vagaries that induce humour :). I should ask that question to LK who narrated me the story :). Thanks.

@Kanchan,
Thanks :).

BrownPhantom said...

@Preeti,
How can I refuse you :)? I don't do tags usually but nothing is ever absolute. Thanks a lot :).

@Nicky,
You are in for a hard time if you maintain a book. I though it wuld be a list or something :). Should I be thanking you for this comment :).

BrownPhantom said...

@Abhilasha,
You are very generous :). Thanks a lot for your kind words.Your well researched posts are a delight to read .

@Bodgal.
Yeah, and it's even more fun when both of them are confused and corrupted :). Glad to see you again :).

DPhatsez said...

Bloody desis jaake naam kharaab deta hain!
In Oz i had to rise above pre-exising bias against out gundry to get laid.(none of your options sir, no worries!)

Theeno kameeno ki Maa ka...!! :)
Sorry for being brutally honest but i'm continuing the flow of the post you see. \m/

Delphian Oracle said...

Hey,
I havent come across something this humorous for a long time now.

Cheers

BrownPhantom said...

@Delphian Oracle,
Neither have I came across this flattering for sometime now :). Thanks a lot for your visit.


@DPhat,
Well, they were just being desis and trying to make the most out of it. Blame the race, if yuo will :). And well done ;). Thanks.

Sanket Korgaonkar said...

Dude, This was so freaking hilarious - I'm gonna ask everyone to read this post. LOL - "Parents are coming???""WTF???? HAHHAHHA He must have surely gotten a 'Tapli' on his head for that.

Anamika. said...

Lol. The title speaks for itself. =)

BrownPhantom said...

@Sanket & Anamika,
Thank you so much guys. And thanks for following too. Let me go and check your blogs too :).

Hopeless Romantic said...

lol, i hv been to vegas and USA. though we never got into calling hookers but we did visited the strip clubs!

A nostalgic read !

Amit

BrownPhantom said...

@Hopeless Romantic,
The 3 guys would have said "Welcome to the brigade" :).
Thank you very much for the visit :).